Symbols and Ceremony: Beyond Faith - The Human Need for Ritual

A life worth living is a life filled with meaning. How we define that meaning is deeply personal, but how we express and share it is a universal human experience - one that manifests through symbols and ceremonies.

The Ceremony

Last year I got married in Thailand. My wife and I went back and forth on whether to have our wedding in my home country, Malawi, or in New Zealand where she's from and where we lived at the time. A big part of wedding planning is the appeasement of family. This can be stressful at the best of times, but marrying across continents and cultures brings with it some unique logistical challenges.

We considered having two separate events, one in each country, but the economics didn't stack up. My stepdad joked that we should just have it midway between our two homelands, on neutral ground. According to Google Maps, this would be in the Indian Ocean. So we settled for Phuket, Thailand as a close enough consolation.

Our guests flew in from different parts of the world - an assortment of backgrounds, professions, and ethnicities. People who prescribed to a faith and people who did not. They had all come together to participate in the ceremony of our union, bridging cultural divides through shared celebration.

My wife and I wanted to incorporate aspects from both our cultures in the ceremony, and a little bit of our personalities as well. We decided to both dress in our favourite colour green and asked our guests to wear white. The Malawi New Zealand collaboration had the familiar format of two adorable flower girls preparing the way with their petals for the bride and exchanging of vows before the celebrant announcing us as husband and wife. The celebration continued at the reception with African traditions led by my family, including gift presentation and the customary shower of money during dancing. My in-laws and most of our guests had never experienced a celebration in this fashion before but they didn't hesitate to join in and throw some Thai Baht bills at us while simultaneously getting down with their bad selves to some Afro beat tunes.

It's not a legal requirement to have a wedding when you decide to share your life with someone. In fact, in most places around the world you can get a piece of paper signed that will grant you all the same legal rights as a traditional marriage. Then why get married? It's certainly not for the stress or the tens of thousands of dollars the average Western wedding costs.

We do it because it means something profound. There's something powerful about sealing this covenant in front of people who love and care about us. It represents a rite of passage into a different stage of life. The married couple declaring their commitment to one another, both families growing by the addition of one new member. The ceremony, like a life graduation, even comes with new titles. In my case, I became a husband, a son-in-law, and a brother-in-law.

The Symbol

The transformation from individual to spouse is represented by the black titanium ring that I now wear on my left hand. We bought the wedding band from a Michael Hill jewellery store in New Zealand. I picked it out because I thought it looked cool and seemed durable enough for me to wear all the time without having to worry too much about maintenance. I tried the metal band on to figure out the sizing before the lady behind the glass cabinet processed the purchase and gestured for me to tap my card to pay.

We took it home, and the ring remained in its little maroon box stored in my wedding suit pocket, where it would live for the months leading up to the big day. I hadn't thought much about the ring until the rehearsals in Thailand, when I was reminded the rings would be kept by the best man. I fished the ring out of my pocket and took a look at it to make sure I still liked how it looked and that it still fit, before handing it over to my best man Andrew.

When the big day came, I watched my beautiful bride float down the aisle to Enchanted (Taylor's version). We were situated on the rooftop of the beautiful resort overlooking the beach. The humid air felt still, as if it was holding its breath in anticipation. She made her way down and met me at the altar where we turned to face each other before our loved ones. The celebrant said some words I couldn't quite hear over the drumbeat thump in my chest. She handed her bouquet to her maid of honor as we joined hands to exchange our vows. I felt a transformation occur when Elizabeth guided the ring onto my finger. The $200 jewellery piece had become a symbol of my love and commitment to my newly wedded wife.

Now it's become a part of me - a built-in fidget spinner I often roll around my finger when I'm waiting on my coffee order or talking on the phone through my AirPods. I feel naked when I take it off. Like phantom limb syndrome, I run my thumb over the slight indentation longingly. It's a part of me, a part of my life story and the current version of who I am.

My ring is also an identifier. Before any words or social cues are exchanged with strangers, it automatically tells them a little bit about me. To potential suitors, it signals that I'm off the market. Interestingly enough, in professional settings, it can also express maturity and responsibility. I'll remind you at this point that all of this information is broadcast by the same metal trinket that lived in my suit pocket for months. Since it was placed on my finger, it has taken on a new life because it has been prescribed meaning

The Universal Language

Symbols and ceremonies are often associated with faith-based organizations, but they are just as prominent in secular life. To honor a person's life, each year on the date of their birth we set a cake on fire and sing in monotone unison a song that no one would want on their Spotify Daily Mix. Every single year, for every person we know. It's actually kind of strange when you think about it, but it means something to us. It's a way of expressing care for someone and the desire to celebrate their life.

The power of assigning meaning to things extends far beyond personal milestones. This was the inspiration behind the name of this blog: Symbols and Ceremony. Nothing in this world has any inherent importance until we assign it meaning. This is how we make sense of the world and conceptualize our values - the frameworks on which we choose to build our lives. Crafting stories around symbols and ceremonies is how we relate to one another across cultures, generations, and beliefs. They serve as bridges between strangers, creating common ground through shared understanding.

Whether it's a wedding in Thailand bringing together families from across continents, or a simple birthday celebration, ceremonies don't need to make logical sense. We don't even need to understand their origins because their power lies not in their history, but in the meaning we collectively give them. Through these shared expressions of meaning, we create the connections and understanding that make life worth living.